There’s an old saying:
“Endure a little, and the wind will calm; take a step back, and the sky will clear.”
It sounds beautiful, but have you ever stopped to think:
How long are you willing to endure? And how far are you willing to step back?
Many people don’t even know what they’re tolerating—they were just raised being told:
“Don’t make trouble, don’t talk back, don’t be too tough.”
And what’s the result? They become the ones with no boundaries in relationships and the least financially successful in society.
Because in reality, those who lose their assertiveness also lose their right to be respected.
1. My Personal Journey: From “People-Pleaser” to “Boundary-Setter”
I used to be a “nice person” too:
- When colleagues dumped work on me, I said, “Sure.”
- When government owes me construction payments and hasn’t repaid. I said, ‘Let’s talk when you have the funds.’
- When misunderstood or wronged, I said, “Let it go.”
Until one day, it hit me:
✅ Those I helped weren’t grateful.
✅ Those I accommodated only took more advantage.
✅ The things I tolerated ended up being blamed on me.
Then I started to change:
🚀 Learning to say “no” actually earned me respect.
🚀 Setting boundaries helped me find true friends.
🚀 Speaking up reduced unnecessary troubles.
The world is brutally honest: How people treat you is what you allow.
2. Why Do You Need Assertiveness?
On the surface, society praises those who are gentle, decent, and easygoing.
But what’s truly admired are those who dare to say “no,” fight for themselves, and have real strength.
People lacking assertiveness often end up as:
- Tools to be assigned and sacrificed.
- The “nice person” who gets the short end of the stick.
- Someone who thinks they’re “well-liked” but is actually just “easy to bully.”
The great psychologist Freud once said:
Assertiveness is the vitality of a person.
Channel it outward, and you defend your dignity;
Suppress it inward, and you attack yourself.
In other words: A person without assertiveness will eventually be swallowed by the world.
3. Assertiveness ≠ Aggression
Many people hear “assertiveness” and immediately think of anger, arguments, or even violence.
But that’s a huge misunderstanding.
True assertiveness is neutral in nature. It is:
✅ Self-protection: Not allowing others to hurt you.
✅ Vitality: Daring to claim what is rightfully yours.
✅ Action: Standing up when it matters most.
Without assertiveness, you’re invisible in the eyes of others.
With assertiveness, you command respect naturally.
4. Three Forms of High-Level Assertiveness
1️⃣ Clear Boundaries
You dare to say “no” and reject disrespect.
Even a calm “You’ve crossed the line” carries more power than shouting.
2️⃣ Excellence as Assertiveness
Your beauty, intelligence, discipline, and success naturally invite envy.
It’s not that you’re “arrogant”—it’s that they’re insecure.
Remember: Better to be strong and envied than weak and pitied.
3️⃣ The Power of Selection
True assertiveness isn’t about losing your temper—it’s about calm discernment.
It helps you filter out those who don’t respect you and keep those who truly matter.
Masters aren’t kind to everyone; the strong are always curating their circles.
5. The Cost of Suppressing Assertiveness
Suppressing assertiveness isn’t a virtue—it’s self-destruction. It leads to:
🔥 Depression: Turning anger inward instead of outward.
🔥 Addictive Anxiety: Numbing emotions with alcohol, overeating, or endless scrolling.
🔥 People-Pleasing: Habitual yielding, self-sacrifice, living as a puppet.
🔥 Subconscious Explosion: Suppressed emotions eventually erupt destructively.
🔥 Chronic Self-Harm: Insomnia, fatigue, autoimmune diseases, even cancer.
In a sentence: Suppressing assertiveness is slow suicide.
6. How to Healthily Express Assertiveness?
Assertiveness isn’t something you learn—it’s innate. You just need to unlock it.
🌟 Acknowledge Your Anger
Anger isn’t wrong; it’s a signal that your dignity is being challenged.
🌟 Practice Expression
Even if you stutter through your first “You crossed the line,” it’s better than silence.
🌟 Cultivate Presence
True masters are gentle but not weak, kind yet formidable.
They know:
- When to assert sharply to claim resources.
- When to soften wisely to protect their peace.
7. Assertiveness Is the Key to Changing Your Destiny
Those without assertiveness remain at the bottom of the food chain.
Those with it, even if outwardly gentle, are decisive and fierce inside.
Your marriage, career, wealth, and partnerships
Ultimately depend on whether your assertiveness is in place.
A wrathful diamond gaze is true compassion.
Assertiveness isn’t destruction—it’s protection.
It’s not malice—it’s vitality.
When you dare to live with assertiveness, your life truly becomes “fully charged.”
🖋️ Final Words:
Only those with an edge can succeed.
The weak seek harmony; the strong dare to fight.
Your “assertiveness” is the key to changing your destiny.
原文
《命里带煞，方能成事：你的”攻击性”，才是改运的关键》
老话常说：”忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空。”
这话听起来很美，但你想过没有：
你要忍到什么时候？又要退到哪里去？
很多人根本不知道自己在忍什么，只是从小就被灌输：
“别惹事、别顶嘴、别太强硬”。
结果呢？成了人际关系里最没底线的人，社会里最赚不到钱的那群人。
因为在现实中，失去攻击性的人，也就失去了被尊重的资格。
一、我的亲身经历：从”老好人”到”有边界的人”
曾经的我也是个”老好人”：
同事把工作推给我，我说”好的”
政府欠工程款不还，我说”等你们有了再说”
被人误解冤枉，我说”算了”
直到有一天我突然发现：
✅ 那些让我帮忙的人，并不感谢我
✅ 那些我包容的人，反而得寸进尺
✅ 那些我忍让的事，最后都成了我的错
后来我开始改变：
🚀 学会拒绝，反而获得了尊重
🚀 设立边界，反而交到了真朋友
🚀 敢于发声，反而少了很多麻烦
这个世界很现实：别人怎么对你，都是你允许的。
二、为什么你需要攻击性？
表面上，社会赞美的是温和、体面、好相处；
但真正被推崇的，却是敢说”不”、敢争取、有实力的人。
缺乏攻击性的人，往往活成：
被安排、被牺牲的工具人
好事没份，坏事第一个想到的”老好人”
自以为”人缘好”，其实只是”好欺负”
心理学大师弗洛伊德早就说过：
攻击性是人的生命力。
向外释放，你能捍卫尊严；
向内压抑，你就会攻击自己。
换句话说：一个没有攻击性的人，迟早会被世界吞没。
三、攻击性≠暴力
很多人一听”攻击性”，就想到愤怒、吵架、甚至暴力。
但这是天大的误解。
真正的攻击性是中性的，本质是：
✅ 保护力：不允许别人伤害你
✅ 生命力：敢于争取自己的资源
✅ 行动力：在关键时刻挺身而出
没有攻击性，你在别人眼里就是透明人；
拥有攻击性，你自带威慑力，别人自然不敢轻视你。
四、高级攻击性的三种形态
1️⃣ 清晰的边界
你敢于说”不”，敢于拒绝冒犯。
哪怕一句平静的”你越界了”，都比咆哮更有力量。
2️⃣ 优秀本身就是攻击性
你的漂亮、聪明、自律、成功，本身就会让人嫉妒。
这不是你”太嚣张”，而是他们太自卑。
记住：宁可强到被嫉妒，也不要弱到被可怜。
3️⃣ 筛选力
真正的攻击性不是乱发火，而是冷静的”断舍离”。
它帮你筛掉不尊重你、只想掠夺你的人，留下真正值得的关系。
高手从来不对所有人好，强者的世界就是在做筛选。
五、压抑攻击性的代价
压抑攻击性，不是美德，而是自毁。它会导致：
🔥 抑郁：把本该对外的愤怒转向攻击自己
🔥 焦虑成瘾：靠酒精、暴食、刷手机来麻醉
🔥 讨好型人格：习惯性退让、牺牲、活成傀儡
🔥 潜意识爆发：压久了必然毁灭式爆炸
🔥 慢性自残：失眠、疲劳、免疫疾病，甚至癌症
一句话：压抑攻击性，其实是慢性自杀。
六、如何健康地释放攻击性？
攻击性不是学来的，而是你与生俱来的。你需要的只是解封。
🌟 承认愤怒
愤怒不是错，而是捍卫尊严的信号。
🌟 练习表达
哪怕第一次结结巴巴地说”你越界了”，都比沉默强。
🌟 培养气场
真正的高手，温柔但不软弱，善良却有锋芒。
他们懂得：
向上释放锋利，赢得资源
向下收敛锋芒，守住格局
七、攻击性，才是改运的关键
没有攻击性的人，永远在食物链底端。
而真正有攻击性的人，哪怕表面温和，骨子里都杀伐果断。
你的婚姻、事业、财富、合作，
本质上都取决于你的攻击性是否归位。
金刚怒目，才是真正的慈悲。
攻击性不是破坏，而是保护；
不是恶意，而是生命力。
当你敢于活出攻击性，你的人生才会真正”满血复活”。
✍️ 结语：
命里带煞，方能成事。
弱者求和，强者敢战。
你的”攻击性”，才是改运的关键。
