Men are forced to walk a hard road from childhood. Women are allowed to stay comfortable.
But men’s suffering is self-inflicted, and women’s sweetness comes with a shelf life.
Hová (one of the founders of feminism) once said something like this:
“Men are so lucky. Society forces them to take an extremely difficult path from a young age. Meanwhile, girls are taught that they can be comfortable. Once they get used to that comfort, trouble is coming.”
You can’t say that’s completely wrong.
But every man who hears it probably wants to curse.
1. The Blame Game: Both Sides Feel Cheated
Our society has never been equal. Everything gets compared — not just sweet vs. savory tofu pudding, but even whose toilet is more “premium.”
One of the most enduring and entertaining topics is who suffers more and who benefits more in the battle of the sexes.
What women say:
- Many families (especially around here) favor sons over daughters — girls must give way to their brothers
- Women face slut-shaming
- Girls are more likely to be sexually harassed outside, beaten at home
- Childbirth reduces women’s career competitiveness — they earn 20% less than men
Are these facts? Yes. Looks like women get the short end.
But men have their own list:
- Men can’t show weakness — otherwise they’re “sissies”
- For the same crime, men get longer sentences
- Men must work 10 more years than women before retirement
- All the high-risk, life-threatening jobs are done by men
- Mother’s Day is a big deal; Father’s Day is ignored — men’s spending power is less than that of a pet dog
Also facts.
So after all the arguing, the result is: everyone feels it’s unfair, everyone feels they’re losing.
Which side you take depends entirely on which bench you’re sitting on.
Today, let’s talk about this topic that offends both sides, and see what’s really going on.
2. How Hard Is the Male Path, Really?
Are boys forced to walk a hard road from childhood?
Yes. Even feminists admit that.
Is that a bit unfair?
Yes, it is.
Do men deserve sympathy?
I’ll put the conclusion up front: No, they don’t. Men brought this on themselves. They deserve it.
Let’s see just how hard that road is. Skip the usual talking points — earning for the family, being tough, low spending power — and look at less-discussed aspects.
Emotional Support? Doesn’t Exist
Imagine a girl complains to her bestie: “Am I getting fat?”
What does her friend say?
“You’re not fat at all, honey. You look super cute and beautiful.”
Whether genuine or plastic, emotional value maxed out.
Now imagine a guy asks his buddy: “Dude, am I getting a bit fat?”
What does his buddy say?
“You’re as fat as a pig. You don’t know that yourself? Need me to buy you a mirror?”
Male communication is usually built on attacks, mockery, and ridicule. Negative emotional value maxed out.
How many boys grow up without some form of psychological bullying?
Every weakness — like being a little chubby — gets you called “fatty” directly, or at best “little chubby,” “big chubby,” “black chubby.” That nickname sticks for years. Almost every male group has someone called “fatty” or “fatso.”
Except for his mother, no one will ever tell a boy: “You’re cute even with a few extra pounds.”
If a guy is less than handsome, he’s highly likely to be mocked by girls — and their words are sharp. “Get plastic surgery,” “your face looks like it got run over by a truck.” Even bystanders cringe.
Yet from what I’ve observed, the guy being mocked usually laughs it off. That kind of attack is like a gentle breeze to them.
A Man’s Weakness Only Dares to Show Up in His Parked Car
If a boy doesn’t learn to digest the constant stream of hostility that could come at him anytime, life will be unbearably hard.
When a man is overwhelmed by pressure —
He only allows himself to sit alone in his car for 10 minutes after parking at home.
That’s his only moment of weakness.
“I’m so miserable, why doesn’t anyone care about me? I want kisses, hugs, comfort.”
That kind of treatment is a luxury a man would never dare to dream of.
No one cares about men’s emotions. Reality will slap you with full force, sending you spinning 720 degrees in the air.
After that slap, the only thing you can do is: grit your teeth, get up immediately, and hit back harder.
If you sit on the ground waiting for someone to kiss and hug you back to your feet — all you’ll get is everyone’s mockery. Jokes and memes about you will pop up like mushrooms after rain. Then double the bullying, double the ridicule.
Hoping for comfort? In your dreams.
Same in the Workplace
After years of psychological torment, boys grow up and enter the workforce. Things don’t get much better.
Imagine a new guy and a new girl at your company. Each messes up a major deal, costing the company big.
What do you do?
With the guy, you tear into him without mercy. You don’t care how he feels or whether he can handle it. The only thing that might hold you back is your own personal bottom line.
Most guys take the verbal beating without a strong reaction. They learned early: If you’re wrong, admit it. If you’re hit, stand straight. Take the scolding, and be more careful next time.
But would you dare yell at the girl?
Probably not. Two harsh sentences and she might start crying. Then you’re in trouble — you’ll be labeled a workplace bully. And after she cries, you have to comfort her:
“Sorry, I was too harsh. It’s no big deal — just one lost deal.”
Is this double standard fair?
No, obviously not.
Is it reasonable?
I don’t know about reasonable, but there’s a logic behind it.
3. Why Men Deserve the Hammering: They Built This Mess Themselves
In a previous episode we talked about monkeys.
Every baby male monkey is treated from birth as a potential future king of the troop. To become king, he must adapt to competition early, beat every male above him one by one, and finally challenge the reigning king.
All males carry a competitive instinct in their genes.
Boys’ social circles are just like monkey troops — strictly hierarchical. If you’re at the bottom — like Nobita (from Doraemon) — you get bullied. Openly, relentlessly.
Of course, in the cartoon, Nobita has Shizuka to comfort him. But in real life, there is no Shizuka — only Big G and Suneo.
Little boys instinctively pick on those weaker than themselves. If they can’t find a weaker human, they’ll happily torture small animals or insects.
When I was a kid, there was a boy in the neighborhood everyone bullied. He looked pitiful. But one day I saw him throwing stones at a blind man — probably for fun, not sure where he learned it.
That made me feel even more justified in bullying him.
Every little boy has a little devil inside him.
Growing up in the devil’s circle — you have to be strong. The moment you show weakness, it’s like broadcasting on a loudspeaker: “Easy target here, come get him!”
So every man who makes it to adulthood has been tempered for years. Even if his attack power is mediocre, his resilience is not.
Back to the earlier conclusion:
The harsh environment men grow up in exists because every snowflake in that avalanche is guilty. Men collectively created this cruelty.
Some individual men might deserve sympathy.
But men as a group — no sympathy. We earned it.
4. Women’s Privilege: Where It Comes From, Where It Goes
Now let’s talk about women.
Young girls are indeed treated better by society: they can ask men to do heavy lifting, act cute, lose their temper, be excused to some extent, and demand to be cherished as a matter of right.
If you don’t realize this is a privilege — you’ve simply gotten used to it. You think it’s natural, inborn, and will last forever.
But the real world doesn’t work that way.
Yes, every girl is born with this protective shield. But it does not last indefinitely. It expires.
Where Does the Privilege Come From?
Some say: because men are horny and lust after women’s bodies.
Sure, some are. But in my experience, not that many — not every man acts like he’s in heat when he sees a young woman.
Others say: because women are physically weaker, and we protect the weak.
That’s part of it, but not the main reason. Otherwise, in disasters — like the Titanic sinking — the rule should be “the elderly and children first,” since the elderly are even weaker.
The main reason society gives women preferential treatment is not sexual attraction, nor physical weakness. It’s because every girl is a potential mother.
It is the identity of “mother” — or future mother — that earns girls this privilege.
The word “mother” carries a special feeling. She is the first giver of warmth, love, and care for every human being. She is the most sacred, untouchable figure in our subconscious.
Becoming a mother requires enormous physical and psychological sacrifice, and binds a woman to her child for a long time.
So society’s preferential treatment of girls is essentially prepaying compensation for the huge cost of childbearing they will likely pay in the future.
As we discussed before: most of women’s advantages in marriage and society are built on the foundation of motherhood.
Childbearing represents the future of humanity. As individuals, we may not care about “humanity,” but the instinct to care for children is universal. Without it, our species would have died out.
Mothers — who bear and raise children — receive their privilege not strictly because of their sex, but because of the children already born or yet to be born.
Consider: who is the most untouchable person in society? A pregnant woman. Even the worst criminal, if pregnant, gets a stay of execution.
From protecting children to protecting women — that’s the unspoken social consensus.
The Expiry Date of Privilege
Does this privilege last forever?
Of course not. It has a shelf life.
What is the shelf life? Simple: once a woman passes what society considers the optimal childbearing age (say, 30s or 40s), if she hasn’t had children, the privilege gradually fades and eventually disappears.
Her social identity shifts from “girl” or “future mother” to a gender-neutral person — enjoying the same “benefits” as a man who crawled out of the battlefield.
This is why many older single, childless women suddenly feel society turning hostile.
They wonder: why is everyone against me?
It’s not that society is deliberately targeting her. It’s that the world was always like this — competition and malice are as common as air.
In the past, the shield of “young girl” or “future mother” blocked most of it. Now that shield is expiring.
So… welcome to a man’s world.
Just as I believe men’s harsh upbringing deserves no sympathy, women emerging from their protective shield will have to adapt to this same cruelty.
Collective instincts and social norms — we may not all agree with them, but we must at least respect their existence.
5. Final Word: Gender Wars Are Pointless
In my view, gender-based tribalism is meaningless.
Shouting slogans for women’s rights might have a small effect. But the real driver is technological progress — which has pushed most brute-force labor out of history, allowing women to work alongside men and earn income. Only then did gender equality become possible.
Economic equality comes first, then rights.
From a man’s perspective, many of today’s outrageous cases that anger men are essentially judicial problems — wearing the mask of gender, but at core about justice. Not really about gender.
In this world, skin color, ethnicity, and class are all far more consequential than gender.
Think about it: Taylor Swift and a little girl in Africa who undergoes genital mutilation — what do they have in common besides being female?
Drawing battle lines purely based on gender, and fighting each other day and night —
Either you’re making money by fanning the flames,
Or you’re just too well-fed and bored.
原文
男人不值得同情，女人的优待有保质期
男人从小被逼着走艰苦的路，女人从小被允许舒舒服服。
但男人的苦是自找的，女人的甜是会过期的。
霍瓦（女权主义创始人之一）说过一段话，大意是：
“男人真是太走运了，他们从小就被社会逼着，不得不走一条极为艰苦的道路。而女人从小就被教育可以舒舒服服的，等她们习惯了这种安逸，接下来就该倒霉了。”
这话不能算全错。
但估计所有男人听完，都想骂娘。
01 互撕现场：两边都觉得自己亏了
我们的社会从来就不平等。万事万物都要比较——咸豆花甜豆花要分高低，谁家马桶更高级也要掰扯清楚。
其中最经久不衰、最让人津津乐道的话题，就是 男女之间谁吃亏了、谁占便宜了。
女人会说：
- 很多家庭重男轻女，女孩从小要给兄弟让路
- 女人可能遭遇荡妇羞辱
- 女孩在外面容易遇到性骚扰，在家里可能被家暴
- 女性生孩子导致职场竞争力下降，收入比男人低20%
这些是不是事实？是。看起来女人太吃亏了。
但男人也有话说：
- 男人不能委屈，否则就是“娘炮”
- 同样犯罪，男人比女人多判几年
- 男性必须比女性多工作10年才能退休
- 所有高危险、容易送命的工作都是男人在做
- 母亲节铺天盖地，父亲节冷冷清清——男人的消费能力不如宠物狗
这些是不是事实？也是。
吵来吵去，结果就是：大家都觉得不公平，都觉得自己吃亏了。
持哪种论调，纯粹取决于屁股坐在哪边。
今天我们就来聊聊这个两边都得罪人的话题，看看里面到底是什么逻辑。
02 男人这条路，到底有多苦？
男孩是不是从小就得走一条艰苦的路？
是的。这一点连女权主义都承认。
那是不是有点不公平？确实有点。
那男人值不值得同情？
我可以把结论先放前面：不值得同情。这是男人自作自受应得的。
我们先看看这条路到底有多艰苦。前面说的养家、坚强、消费力低这些就不重复了，聊一些不太被关注的地方。
情绪价值？不存在的
假设一个女孩跟闺蜜抱怨：“我是不是胖了？”
闺蜜会怎么回答？
“你才不胖呢，亲爱的，你这样超可爱超美的。”
甭管是不是真心，塑料不塑料，情绪价值拉满了。
那如果一个男孩问哥们儿：“兄弟，我最近是不是有点胖啊？”
哥们儿会怎么说？
“你肥得跟头猪一样，你自己不知道啊？要不要我去帮你买个镜子照照？”
男人之间的交流方式，通常由攻击、嘲笑和奚落构成。情绪负值拉满。
有几个男孩子不是在各种精神霸凌下长大的？
你所有的弱点——比如有点胖——直接点叫“肥猪”，最温柔也叫“小胖”“大胖”“小黑胖”。就这么一路叫到大。几乎每个男孩群体里都有叫“胖子”或“肥仔”的人。
除了他亲妈，永远不会有人跟男孩说：“你胖点其实也很可爱。”
要是稍微长得磕碜点，大概率会被女孩子当面奚落——用词之刻薄，什么“赶紧整整容吧”“脸被车碾过”，你在旁边听都犯尴尬癌。
不过据我观察，被奚落的男人好像都习惯了，还能笑嘻嘻打哈哈。这种攻击对他们来说，大概也就清风拂面。
男人的软弱，只敢留在车里
一个男孩，如果从小到大没学会自我消化这些随时可能到来的恶意，那他生活就太难了。
如果哪天男人压力实在太大——
他只有在回家停好车以后，一个人在车里坐上10分钟。
那是他唯一可以软弱的时刻。
“我都这么惨了，怎么没人来关心我？要亲亲，要抱抱，求安慰”——这种待遇，是男人一辈子都不敢有的奢望。
没什么人会照顾男人的情绪。现实会带着满满的恶意，一巴掌把你扇到凌空转体720°。
挨完这巴掌，你要做的只能是：咬牙赶紧爬起来，立刻、马上、迅速予以回击。
你要是坐在地上等着谁来亲亲抱抱才能起来——那迎接你的只能是所有人的嘲笑。各种关于你的烂梗和段子会如雨后春笋般被发明出来。接下来就是加倍的欺凌、翻倍的嘲笑。
还想求安慰？想屁呢。
职场里也一样
等男孩经历了漫长的精神蹂躏，长大进入社会，情况也不会好转。
假设你们公司新来了一个小伙、一个小姑娘。两个人分别搞砸了一单大生意。
你会怎么处理？
对着小伙子，劈头盖脸一顿训斥。你不会考虑他心情怎么样、承不承受得了。唯一可能让你克制的，是你对自己为人处世的底线。
绝大多数男孩挨了这顿臭骂，不会有什么激烈反应。因为他们从小就得学会：有错就要认，挨打要立正。挨了骂，下回注意就是了。
但对小姑娘，你敢骂吗？
估计大多数人不敢。刚说两句重话，小姑娘憋不住就要哭了。然后你就麻烦了——职场霸凌、欺负人家小姑娘，跑不了的。她真哭了，你还得去哄：
“抱歉，我刚才说得太重了。不就搞砸一单生意吗？没什么大不了的。”
这种区别对待好吗？
谁不是老娘十月怀胎生下来、一把屎一把尿带大的？凭什么被这样对待？
公平吗？不公平，明摆着的。
那合理吗？
合不合理我不知道，但这种现象背后，是有道理的。
03 为什么男人活该被锤？因为这是他们自己造的
之前节目聊过猴子。
每只小公猴从出生起，猴群就默认它是未来猴王潜在的竞争者。要成为猴王，必须从小适应竞争，一关一关打败前面所有的公猴，最后挑战猴王。
所有雄性的基因里，都带着竞争意识。
男孩的圈子也跟猴群一样，永远是等级分明的。如果你是最低等的猴子——比如野比大雄——那就是被欺负的命。而且是不加掩饰的欺凌和压迫。
当然，漫画里有静香来安慰大雄。但现实里没有静香，只有胖虎和小夫。
小男孩也会本能地去欺负弱小。如果实在找不到弱小，虐待小动物、小昆虫，他们也会很开心。
我小时候，附近有个被大家欺负的小男孩。平时看着挺可怜兮兮的，但我曾亲眼看见他朝盲人扔石头——可能是觉得好玩吧，也不知道跟谁学的。
这让我以后再欺负他，就更心安理得了。
每个小男孩都有小恶魔的一面。
从小在恶魔圈子里混出来，不强大点能行吗？你但凡露出一点软弱，就相当于拿个大喇叭向全体小恶魔广播：“这里有个好欺负的，大家快来啊。”
所以每个成长起来的男人，都经历了那么多年的千锤百炼。哪怕攻击力一般般，至少抗击打能力都不会差。
回到开头的结论：
男人之所以成长于严酷的环境，是因为身处其中的每一片雪花都不无辜。是所有男人共同造就了这份残忍。
其中的某些个体可能值得同情。
但男人作为一个整体——不值得同情。这是我们应得的。
04 女人的优待，从哪来，到哪去？
聊完男人，再来聊聊女人。
年轻小姑娘在社会上确实是被优待的：可以指使男人干重活，可以撒娇，可以发脾气，可以一定程度免责，可以理直气壮地要求被宠爱。
如果没有意识到这是一种特权——那只能说她们已经习惯了，觉得这是天经地义、与生俱来的东西，而且会永远持续下去。
但真实世界不是这样的。
这确实是每个女孩与生俱来的东西，但它不会无限期持续。它会有结束的那一天。
优待从哪来？
有人说：因为男人好色，都馋人家身子。
有没有见色起意的？肯定有。但以我个人经验，不是都那么多——不是每个男人都像发情期一样，看见小姑娘就要上去撩。
也有人认为：照顾女孩是因为女人体力弱，是为了照顾弱小。
这确实是一部分原因，但不是最主要的。不然遇到重大灾难——比如泰坦尼克号沉船——就不应该是“妇女儿童优先撤离”，而是“老人孩子优先撤离”，明显老人更弱。
社会优待女性最主要的原因，不是因为性吸引力，也不是因为体力弱，而是因为：每一个女孩都可能成为母亲。
是“母亲”这个身份——或者说未来母亲的身份——为女孩争取了这份优待。
“母亲”这个词，说出来就带着不一样的感觉。这是每个人来到世界上，给予温暖、给予爱意、给予无微不至关照的存在。是每个人潜意识里最不可亵渎的神圣存在。
而一个女孩成为母亲，需要付出巨大的生理和心理负担，未来很长一段时间也会被孩子绑定人生。
所以，社会上对女孩的优待，相当于为她们在将来生育这件事上的巨大付出提前支付的报酬。
就像我们之前聊过的：女性在婚姻上的优势，深究一下就会发现，对女性的大多数优待都是建立在生育基础上的。
生育代表人类的未来。也许作为个体，我们不关心什么人类不人类的，但对孩子的关心和宽容，是人类潜意识里共有的情感。没有这个，人类这个物种早就完了。
作为孕育幼崽又照顾幼崽的母亲，她们得到的优待，严格来说，不是因为她们的性别，而是因为已经出生或未来可能出生的孩子。
举个例子：社会上什么人最不可侵犯？孕妇。哪怕再十恶不赦的人，只要怀了孕，死刑也得让道。
从爱护孩子到爱护女人——就这么形成了社会没有明说的共识。
优待的保质期
这份优待是不是一朝拥有、终身享受？
当然不是。它有保质期。
保质期是什么？很简单：女人一旦过了社会认为的最佳生育年龄（比如30多岁或40多岁），还没有生育的话，这份优待就会慢慢减少，直到完全消失。
她们的社会身份，也会从“女孩”或“未来的母亲”，变成一种无性别的人——跟从修罗场里杀出来的男人享受同样的“福利”。
这就是为什么很多大龄未婚未育的女性会突然发现：这个社会对她充满了恶意。
她们很疑惑：为什么所有人都在针对我？
其实不是这个社会在为难她。而是世界本来就是这个样子——竞争和恶意就像空气那样无处不在。
过去是因为有“小姑娘”或者“未来母亲”的保护罩，多少帮她隔绝了这一切。现在，保护罩慢慢到期了。
怎么说呢——
欢迎来到男人的世界。
就像我认为男人成长的严酷环境不值得同情一样，从保护罩里出来的女人，未来也只能适应这一份残酷。
群体意识和社会规律，也许我们不一定都赞同，但至少得尊重它的存在。
05 最后：性别互撕，没有意义
在我看来，性别叙事是件很没有意义的事情。
女性的权利，喊口号可能会有那么一点作用。但本质上，是因为科技的进步把大多数体力工作挤出了历史舞台，让女性得以与男性一道参与工作、获取报酬——男女平等才成为可能。
先有经济平等，才有权利平等。
从男性角度来讲，当下那些让人愤愤不平的奇葩事件，本质上是司法问题——只不过披着性别外衣的司法公正问题。跟性别本身没有多大关系。
这个世界上，肤色、族群、阶级——哪一样都比性别划分来得现实得多，影响也大得多。
比如说，泰勒·斯威夫特和非洲那些小小年纪就得行割礼的女孩——除了性别相同，她们还有什么共同点？
因为一个性别就画出泾渭分明的阵营，然后没日没夜地互撕——这些人要么是能从里面割韭菜搞到钱。不然，就是纯属吃太饱撑住了。
